Do not worry about avoiding temptations.As you grow older it will avoid you. — Joey Adams Copy Share Image
My girl went away for the weekend, and I didn't masturbate once. I masturbated 21 times. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You're so lazy. No, I'm not. I've been converting oxygen intocarbon dioxide all day. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I got my sense of humor from my grandmother. You know, my grandmother was very funny. — Paul Mooney Copy Share Image
Funny and sad are two sides of the same coin. I think that most comedians are able to tap into deep subject… — Hasan Minhaj Copy Share Image
It's a guy thing really means There's no rational thought pattern connected with it and you can't make it logical. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Once, I was doing Bon Qui Qui in Miami, and this black girl was in the audience, and she yelled out, 'That's… — Anjelah Johnson Copy Share Image
It's funny, I lived my first 38 years of my life with maybe one or two people ever saying that I looked… — Greg Poehler Copy Share Image
“Whew,” he said. “You clean up good . You don’t look like the same girl.” She frowned right before she laughed. “Do… — Robyn Carr Copy Share Image
Dear Parents, I stay up late, have a messy room, live on my phone... but I DON'T get wasted or do drugs.… — Jugi Steady Copy Share Image
The show is definitely not just about weight-loss physically. It's more about finding yourself. It's really funny because I realized at one… — Raven Goodwin Copy Share Image
You know, it is a funny thing, but 'The Flintstones' was bought by ABC and the sponsors when they discovered adults were… — William Hanna Copy Share Image
