Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I hate how after an arguement I think of more clever shit I should have said. — Fading_scars Copy Share Image
Don't ever sell mankind short by saying there's anything they can't do. — Fredric Brown Copy Share Image
Sometimes I wonder how many miles I've scrolled my mouse wheel. — Punkinhead Abhishek Copy Share Image
Instead of incarcerating pedophiles, why don't we use them as crash test dummies? — Laura S Copy Share Image
“He really did posses the ability to be extremely annoying when he set his mind to it.” — Jen Turano Copy Share Image
When a Spanish actor does an accent, that's sexy. When Peter Sellers did a French accent in 'Pink Panther,' that's funny -… — Jimmy O. Yang Copy Share Image
When we are bored we get on Facebook, then we get bored on Facebook so we get off then 15 min later… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“It's a booley village," Ian told her. "The islanders used to take their animals into the hills for the summ. They'd camp… — O.R. Melling Copy Share Image
I'm funny with food, even if it's vegan. I like it well well, well, well done. I don't want anything there that… — Ghostface Killah Copy Share Image
It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably… — Richard McCabe Copy Share Image
Pretending to be committed is very difficult when actually all the time ur phone rings is just because your mom calls u :( — Jaseem Kapoor Copy Share Image
Any joke can be funny, but not any joke is funny. Any joke has the potential to be hilarious to you, but… — Phoebe Robinson Copy Share Image
I like "Rock, Paper, Scissors Two-Thirds." You know. "Rock breaks scissors." "These scissors are bent. They're destroyed. I can't cut stuff. So… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
