Funny Quotes · Page 317

I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good.

— Amy Winehouse

You don't have to pass an IQ test to be in the Senate.

— Mark Pryor

I know my limits. That's why I'm beyond.

— Serge Gainsbourg

I didn't choose acting. It chose me.

— Ingrid Bergman

The world is me and I am the world.

— Jiddu Krishnamurti

I should be ashamed of yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

— Steven Wright

The simpler it is, the better I like it.

— Peter Lynch

LMS If your mom says this when she get mad at you...I brought you in this world and I can take you…

— Dionta Long

I hate when women say that all men want from them is sex, coz that's bullshit. We want you for blowjobs too.

— Nikhil Saluja

From the very beginning I felt that I would do a series,

— Barnett Newman

I would like to be constantly thinking about life, trying to make it funny.

— Joe Lycett

Banjos are funny instruments. They can get pretty irritating.

— Winston Marshall

If you're a studio writer, the funny better be on the page.

— Thomas Lennon

WIFE, A person who only lasts as long as a marriage -- an ex-wife is forever

— Nikhil Saluja

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

— Jim Carrey

That awkward moment during a test and you don't know any of the answers, so you just start laughing because you know…

— Anonymous

I grew up watching horror films from a very young age. My sister was never able to watch scary movies; I don't…

— Daniel Zovatto

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the…

— Chris Rock

At the moment the wind blows at my face…I close my eyes and feel you kissed. Thats why I can't resist facing…

— Fairy_thale

There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wont stand…

— Steve Martin

Amy Sherman-Palladino is very funny. She's got just natural timing and comedic instinct. And she writes in a comedic rhythm.

— Alex Borstein

That horrifying moment when your mom says... I need to talk to you. And u think of everything you did wrong this…

— Anonymous

Averages don't always reveal the most telling realities. You know, Shaquille O'Neal and I have an average height of 6 feet.

— Robert Reich

Fear is the root of all courage

— Vivian Stanshall

Why are things as they are and not otherwise?

— Johannes Kepler

They were numerically outnumbered.

— Garry Birtles

No, but you're wrong now, and always will be.

— Horace

We must be willing to say what the Bible says.

— Alistair Begg

Who are we, if not measured by our impact on others?

— Carl Sagan

Tehehe...keep calm and do the Harlem shake

— Unkown

I didn't see any furry little James Bonds.

— Larissa Ione

If not now then when, if not me then who?

— Malcolm X

It is necessity and not pleasure that compels us.

— Dante Alighieri

Man is but the place where I stand ...

— Henry David Thoreau

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

— Mark Twain

Maybe in time you'll understand only God can save us.

— Tupac Shakur

You don't have to die in order to make a living.

— Lynn Johnston

I don't know which me that I love, got no reflection.

— Marilyn Manson

It’s easier to be God than to see God.

— Stephen Gaskin