Funny Quotes · Page 319

I learned how to scream from Marc Bolan.

— Joan Jett

Never trust a man in red trousers

— Mika

God's truth always agrees with itself.

— Richard Sibbes

Women are smarter than men because they listen.

— Phil Donahue

“With faith anything can be solved”

— NightBits

Simon says jump. Simon didn't say land, you're all out.

— Anonymous

I love using my GPS, problem is I cant find it.

— Winfredable

Everything in the world is exactly the same.

— Kanye West

Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won't spoil me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just saw a fat guy with a shirt that said: I beat anorexia. Defiantly made my day.

— Anonymous

It's very shocking for me to see pictures from my win here in 2008. I aged.

— Sebastian Vettel

This is going to be one of my biggest problems when I have todrive.

— Anonymous

LOVE, The only game that is never called on account of darkness;

— Nikhil Saluja

Where you start in the marketplace is not where you have to stay.

— Jim Rohn

It's funny how the people who know me the least have the most to say.

— Anonymous

I just met a girl named Karma. She was actually really sweet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Facebook Timeline is an excellent graphical and visual representation to show how you wasted all your precious time in the past...

— Green Monk

MARRIAGE, In Japanese is called Judo -- the art of conquering by yielding. This is the western equivalent of Yes, dear;

— Nikhil Saluja

“This is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything.…

— J.K. Rowling

“I don't know,' he said irritably. 'Is it meant to improve you?' She swiveled toward him, eyes wide with shock. 'Because nothing…

— Julie Anne Long

“Just leave me alone, I want to be alone,” she said when Jack tried to open the car door. She hit the…

— Sarah Mayberry

“That's why I always keep a handful of silver glitter in my pockets. If I get pushed into a conversational corner I…

— Jonathan Acuff

Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time…

— Marilyn Sokol

I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them…

— Ron White

Make no a complete sentence.

— Amy Poehler

“you're so full of shit, you ought to be a cow manure”

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

It's hard to get by just upon a smile,

— Cat Stevens

Your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind

— Irene Cara

From the beginning at Intel, we planned on being big.

— Robert Noyce

I sound like an evangelist or something.

— David Plotz

Don't just get through the day, get FROM the day

— Jim Rohn

There is no reality except the one contained within us.

— Hermann Hesse

The internet is completely over.

— Prince

It ain't about who ya love, it's all about do ya love.

— Michael Franti

Oh what a friend chance can be — when it chooses.

— Winslow Homer

The best feature is less features.

— Kevin Systrom

He who will travel far spares his steed.

— Jean Racine

Least doers are the greatest boasters.

— William Gurnall

I would rather be called funny than pretty.

— Nia Vardalos

We haven't any and you're too young.

— Lewis Carroll