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Said Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, "Dude,…
- Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that…
- Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came…
- At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said Certainly. He said Do I need to dial 9…
- One time a guy handed me a picture. He said, 'Here's a picture of me when I was younger.' Every picture is of you when…
- My friend said to me, You know what I like? Mashed potatoes. I was like, Dude, you have to give me time to guess. If…
- I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought…
- I had a job interview at an insurance company once, and the lady said 'Where do you see yourself in five years?' I said, 'Celebrating…
- I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in.…
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking…
- My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
- If I had a dollar for every time I said that, I'd be making money in a very weird way.
- I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their…
- I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload…
- I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel…
More Said Quotes
- Live never to be ashamed if anything you say or do is published around the world, even if what is said is… — Richard Bach
- That money talks, I'll not deny, I heard it once: It said, 'Goodbye'. — Richard Armour
- That said, the question remains: how to strike the balance between free speech and mutual respect in this mixed-up world, both blessed… — Timothy Garton Ash
- If I were to say, 'God, why me?' about the bad things, then I should have said, 'God, why me?' about the… — Arthur Ashe
- The book that convinced me I wanted to be a writer was 'Crime and Punishment'. I put the thing down after reading… — Paul Auster
- My mother always said I must be part Mongolian because of my lotus-pale complexion and squid-ink black hair. — Diane Ackerman
- I came to the conclusion months ago, and I said it to members of Congress, that the only way people are going… — David Axelrod
- I have a master plan as an artist. I've always said I'm not going to be punching nobody's clock. I will work… — Erykah Badu
- Few expected very much of Franklin Roosevelt on Inauguration Day in 1933. Like Barack Obama seventy-six years later, he was succeeding a… — Russell Baker
- I was in college in Washington, D.C. I did three years full-time. I did all my requirements, and my senior year was… — Alec Baldwin
- American history is longer, larger, more various, more beautiful, and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it. — James A. Baldwin
- All of the muscles were gone, so that was a real tough time of rebuilding all of that. But you have a… — Christian Bale