"Well, I was lost but now I live……" — Mitch Hedberg
"Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!"
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Improved Quotes
This quote is filed under Improved Quotes,
one of 440 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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As people flock to urban centers where ground space is limited, cities with green walls and roofs and skyscraper farms…
— Diane Ackerman
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Today, I, too, wish to reaffirm that I intend to continue on the path toward improved relations and friendship with…
— Pope Benedict XVI
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Then there's Johnny Pesky, hit me countless number of ground balls and improved my fielding so much.
— Wade Boggs
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I found that if I offered to cook for a girl, my odds improved radically over simply asking a girl…
— Alton Brown
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The secret of improved plant breeding, apart from scientific knowledge, is love.
— Luther Burbank
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Heart and head are the constituent parts of character; temperament has almost nothing to do with it, and, therefore, character…
— Giacomo Casanova
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Let me back up a little and tell you why I prefer writing to real life: You can rewrite. A…
— Harlan Coben
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As the tree is fertilized by its own broken branches and fallen leaves, and grows out of its own decay,…
— Frederick William Robertson
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What gets measured gets improved.
— Robin Sharma
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The Body of B. Franklin, Printer Like the Cover of an old Book Its Contents turn out And Stript of…
— Benjamin Franklin
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A fierce and sentimental addiction to forms makes us shudder at change. It is much easier to say that the…
— Charles Ferguson
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Little opportunities should be improved.
— Francois Fenelon
See all 440 Improved Quotes »