"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only……" — Mitch Hedberg
"Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn't sound right."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
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Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Alcohol Quotes
This quote is filed under Alcohol Quotes,
one of 1,156 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
— Aristotle
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On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
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Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious…
— Michael Badnarik
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to…
— Dave Barry
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According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
— Xavier Becerra
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I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,…
— Brendan Behan
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
— Robert Benchley
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I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
— George Best
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
— Ambrose Bierce
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
— Humphrey Bogart
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
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Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
See all 1,156 Alcohol Quotes »