"Alcoholism is the only disease that you can……" — Mitch Hedberg
"Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
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Well, that's a 'fresher'. I'm going on break.
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Alcohol Quotes
This quote is filed under Alcohol Quotes,
one of 1,156 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
— Aristotle
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On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
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Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious…
— Michael Badnarik
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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to…
— Dave Barry
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According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
— Xavier Becerra
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I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,…
— Brendan Behan
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Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
— Robert Benchley
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I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
— George Best
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
— Ambrose Bierce
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The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
— Humphrey Bogart
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
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Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
See all 1,156 Alcohol Quotes »