"I went to see a band in New……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel like human beings tonight? Then he said How many of you feel like animals? And everyone cheered after the animals part. But the thing is, I cheered after the human being part because I did not know that there was a second part to the question."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Animals Quotes
This quote is filed under Animals Quotes,
one of 3,041 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst.
— Aristotle
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Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on…
— Mary Kay Ash
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People are not going to care about animal conservation unless they think that animals are worthwhile.
— David Attenborough
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There are some four million different kinds of animals and plants in the world. Four million different solutions to the…
— David Attenborough
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The only way to save a rhinoceros is to save the environment in which it lives, because there's a mutual…
— David Attenborough
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I'm not a propagandist, I'm not a polemicist; my primary interest is just looking at and trying to understand how…
— David Attenborough
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I'm not an animal lover if that means you think things are nice if you can pat them, but I…
— David Attenborough
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If you watch animals objectively for any length of time, you're driven to the conclusion that their main aim in…
— David Attenborough
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Steve Irwin did wonderful conservation work but I was uncomfortable about some of his stunts. Even if animals aren't aware…
— David Attenborough
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The countenances of children, like those of animals, are masks, not faces, for they have not yet developed a significant…
— Wystan Hugh Auden
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For better or worse, zoos are how most people come to know big or exotic animals. Few will ever see…
— Diane Ackerman
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We're losing biodiversity globally at an alarming rate, and we need a cornucopia of different plants and animals, for the…
— Diane Ackerman
See all 3,041 Animals Quotes »