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Up Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and around. I can't do a…
- Then let's print up some flyers!
- Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a…
- Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that…
- Say, I was on The Craig Kilbourne Show and the next day I flew to Minneapolis. I was at the airport and a guy came…
- I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After…
- Sometimes I wake up and I think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it. One day I'm gonna, though. You bet…
- I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought…
- I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning.…
- I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
- I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking…
- My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the…
- I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
- If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed-up.
- Dogs are forever in the push up postion.
- Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I…
- I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload…
- I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk…
- I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning.…
- Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a…
More Up Quotes
- The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. — Hannah Arendt
- That said, the question remains: how to strike the balance between free speech and mutual respect in this mixed-up world, both blessed… — Timothy Garton Ash
- Beautician: the official occupation of the 'I wear too much make-up fat girl'. — Nikhil Saluja
- All virtue is summed up in dealing justly. — Aristotle
- Do you know how much you mean to me? Do you know that you are the first thing I think of when… — Superman
- Successful people don't relax on a chair. They feel relaxed with their work. They sleep with their dreams and wake up with… — Ritu Ghatourey
- Yet, so far from laboring to know the forbidden tree of worldly pleasures and its various fruits, man gives himself up to… — Johann Arndt
- I grew up in a working-class family, so I guess you could say I write from what I know. — Andrea Arnold