"Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And……" — Mitch Hedberg
"Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Damn, it's gonna take a while. I don't have time. Scrambled!"
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Beheaded Quotes
This quote is filed under Beheaded Quotes,
one of 18 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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No human beings more dangerous than those who have suffered for a belief: the great persecutors are recruited from the…
— Emile M. Cioran
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I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million…
— Roseanne Barr
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The lightning flashes through my skull; mine eyeballs ache and ache; my whole beaten brain seems as beheaded, and rolling…
— Herman Melville
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Our law enforcement agencies have found bodies in the desert, either buried or just lying out there, that have been…
— Jan Brewer
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You do not lament the loss of hair of one who has been beheaded.
— Joseph Stalin
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When Paul was taken in chains from his filthy Roman dungeon and beheaded at the order of the opulent madman…
— Randy Alcorn
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After that his Majesty was beheaded, the Parliament for some years effected nothing either for the publick peace or tranquillity…
— William Lilly
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Every author ought to write every book as if he were going to be beheaded the day he finished it.
— F. Scott Fitzgerald
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I was condemned to be beheaded, or burnt, as the king pleased; and he was graciously pleased, from the great…
— Sarah Fielding
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The destruction of the natural beauty, the ecosystems, and the majesty of mountains affect us in ways we're not even…
— Gloria Reuben
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If a bank fails in China, they behead the men at the top of it that was responsible... If we…
— Will Rogers
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I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have…
— Roman Polanski
See all 18 Beheaded Quotes »