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- Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
- Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it…
- I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey…
- Mitch's Pizzaria... this week's coupon: unlimited free pizza. Special Note: coupon not good at any of the Mitch's Pizza locations. Free pizza oven with purchase…
- I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
- I played golf... I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. That's way more satisfying...
- I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large,…
- That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food…
- On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means…
- Mr. Pibb is a poor imitation of Dr. Pepper. Dude didn't even get his degree.
- I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but…
- The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
- I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
- I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money…
- I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their…
- I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and…
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- Whenever u get hurt from those people whom u love most don't blame them, fault is not their its your fault that… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Throughout all of this confusion, I hope I somehow get to you. I practice all the things I'd say to tell you… — Superman
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Whenever I miss you. I just close my eyes and I see your smiling face and half of my problems automatically get… — Anurag Prakash Ray
- Most people would rather give than get affection. — Aristotle
- Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes… — Aristotle
- I never thought being obnoxious would get me where I am today. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- The parents have to learn that the child should not be insulted, humiliated, condemned. If you want to help him, love him… — Rajneesh