"I bought a doughnut and they gave me……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under D.'"
—
Mitch Hedberg
★
★
★
★
★
0.0 avg (0 ratings)
163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
-
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
-
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
-
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
-
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
-
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
-
If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
-
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
-
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
-
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
-
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
-
Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
-
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Act Quotes
This quote is filed under Act Quotes,
one of 8,447 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
See all 8,447 Act Quotes »