"I want to get a job as someone……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and add "er". I wanna work for the Kitchen Appliance Naming Institute. Hey, what does that do? It keeps shit fresh. Well, that's a fresher....I'm going on break."
—
Mitch Hedberg
★
★
★
★
★
0.0 avg (0 ratings)
163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
-
Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
-
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
-
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
-
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
-
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
-
If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
-
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
-
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
-
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
-
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
-
Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
-
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Add Quotes
This quote is filed under Add Quotes,
one of 1,898 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
-
There's no lack of writers writing novels in America, about America. Therefore, it seems to me it would be wasteful…
— Chinua Achebe
-
To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity…
— Douglas Adams
-
For horror movies, color is reassuring because, at least in older films, it adds to the fakey-ness.
— Lynda Barry
-
Passion is what adds so much value to life. And if you think about the things that you do, there's…
— Mario Batali
-
I don't tend to do much with my lips. My lips are naturally very pink, so if I add any…
— Kate Beckinsale
-
My mantra is: put your brain into gear and if you can add to what's on the screen then do…
— Richie Benaud
-
You will obtain a vision of matter that is perhaps fatiguing for your imagination, but pure and stripped of what…
— Henri Bergson
-
In Mexico we have a trick - add a crystal of salt to the kettle and the tea tastes better,…
— Gael Garcia Bernal
-
Color does not add a pleasant quality to design - it reinforces it.
— Pierre Bonnard
-
I'm an instant star. Just add water and stir.
— David Bowie
-
We have fought for social justice. We have fought for economic justice. We have fought for environmental justice. We have…
— Barbara Boxer
-
I tend to think the world is a bit of a miserable place, so anyone who can add to people's…
— Jo Brand
See all 1,898 Add Quotes »