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Make Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
- I think a rotisserie is like a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. It’s a strange piece of machinery . . . We will take…
- Onions make me sad, a lot of people don't realize that. When I'm cutting onions, I'm sad. Because the plight of onions, it's sad. But…
- I like cinnamon rolls, but I don't always have time to make a pan. That's why I wish they would sell cinnamon roll incense. After…
- A minibar is a machine that makes everything expensive. When I take something out of the minibar, I always fathom that I'll go and replace…
- Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
- I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all.
- Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.
- You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the…
- I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
- If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
- I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the fuck would make their…
- I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload…
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