"Onions make me sad. A lot of people…" — Mitch Hedberg

"Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that."

— Mitch Hedberg

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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site. A few more worth reading:

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!

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More Funny Quotes

This quote is filed under Funny Quotes, one of 52,060 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:

To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would… — Hannah Arendt
These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams
Hope is the dream of a waking man. — Aristotle
Education is the best provision for old age. — Aristotle
I've had the same friends since I was in kindergarten. — J. J. Abrams
I also have this incredible love for women. — Kevyn Aucoin

See all 52,060 Funny Quotes »