Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Communism is like one big phone company. — Lenny Bruce
When you're eight years old nothing is your business. — Lenny Bruce
I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do. — Lenny Bruce
I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be… — Lenny Bruce
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. — Lenny Bruce
There is no law governing all things. — Giordano Bruno
The exact contrary of what is generally believed is often the truth. — Jean de la Bruyere
Abstraction is real, probably more real than nature. — Josef Albers
Life's up and down from the time you get here to the time you leave. — Luke Bryan
American Idol allowed us to find Carrie Underwood. — Luke Bryan
You get weird, funny requests on Twitter. With our fan club, I was seeing a lot of fans were having some issue with the way… — Luke Bryan
My place in history will depend on what I can do for the people and not on what the people can do for me. — William Jennings Bryan
I can't relate to lazy people. We don't speak the same language. I don't understand you. I don't want to understand you. — Kobe Bryant
If I panic, everyone else panics. — Kobe Bryant
I'm easily entertained. — Abdallah II
Girls have an unfair advantage over men: if they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb. — Yul Brynner
There are only three things that can kill a farmer: lightning, rolling over in a tractor, and old age. — Bill Bryson
I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place. — Bill Bryson
I understand cricket - what's going on, the scoring - but I can't understand why. — Bill Bryson
In a funny way, nothing makes you feel more like a native of your own country than to live where nearly everyone is not. — Bill Bryson
The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a… — Bill Bryson
I think you create your own hipness. — Peabo Bryson
We generally write best of what we ourselves have seen. — James Buchan
He disliked emotion, not because he felt lightly, but because he felt deeply. — John Buchan
You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea. — Pearl S. Buck

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: