Funny Quotes

52060 Funny quotes by 14453 unique authors

Every animal leaves traces of what it was; man alone leaves traces of what he created. — Jacob Bronowski
Memory in youth is active and easily impressible; in old age it is comparatively callous to new impressions, but still retains vividly those of earlier… — Charlotte Bronte
A book may be compared to your neighbor: if it be good, it cannot last too long; if bad, you cannot get rid of it… — Rupert Brooke
You never know what you will learn till you start writing. Then you discover truths you never knew existed. — Anita Brookner
I'm not Elvis. I don't get chased by paparazzi. — Albert Brooks
If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money. — Albert Brooks
I have this weird obsession with kids and old people falling. Like, funny falls. It is awful, but it's the thing that makes me laugh… — Malin Akerman
I can't not put humor in a book. — Albert Brooks
I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny. — Albert Brooks
I like movies about failing. — Albert Brooks
I've been to many funerals of funny people, and they're some of the funniest days you'll ever have, because the emotions run high. — Albert Brooks
It's funny how a chubby kid can just be having fun, and people call it entertainment! — Garth Brooks
There are always a few who stand up in times of communal madness and have the courage to say that what unites us is greater… — Geraldine Brooks
I am a writer perhaps because I am not a talker. — Gwendolyn Brooks
The funny thing is that my husband couldn't be sweeter. He looks like this bad boy. He's got tattoos and earrings and a mohawk, but… — Malin Akerman
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. — Mel Brooks
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. — Mel Brooks
He who hesitates is poor. — Mel Brooks
But I have bad taste with a deep fount of intellectuality. — Mel Brooks
Every time I'm in Canada I feel more Swedish, and every time I'm in Sweden I feel more Canadian. I belong in both places and… — Malin Akerman
There is such a thing as bad publicity. — Joyce Brothers
Amazement awaits us at every corner. — James Broughton
If you don't fill your days with love, you are wasting your life. — James Broughton
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. — A. Whitney Brown
Everything in food is science. The only subjective part is when you eat it. — Alton Brown

Who Wrote These Funny Quotes

14,453 authors contributed a total of 52,060 Funny Quotes, led by these top contributors: