« All Funny Quotes · Chelsea Handler's Page
Funny Quotes by Chelsea Handler
- No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
- I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.
- Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.
- We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.
- You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU
- My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for…
- Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.
- I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.
- My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another…
- Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.
- I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
- I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told…
More Funny Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- These are the fifties, you know. The disgusting, posturing fifties. — Hannah Arendt
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- We must all make peace so that we can all live in peace. — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. — Aristotle
- There is no great genius without a mixture of madness. — Aristotle
- I hope to make movies that are so small they don't need to make anything to be profitable. — J. J. Abrams
- I love recording music. — J. J. Abrams