« All Me Quotes · Chelsea Handler's Page
Me Quotes by Chelsea Handler
- I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.
- No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.
- It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.
- People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should…
- My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for…
- He laid into me with the same gusto as a right-wing political pundit on the O'Reilly Factor defending President's Bush right to vacation six days…
- At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then…
- Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I…
- Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought…
- My mother told me that life isn't always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another…
- Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because…
- I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told…
- Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his…
- Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone…
- My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and…
- I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than…
- I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.
- I went out with a guy who once told me I didnt need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told…
- Most men would never tell a girl her Pikachu smells like a crab cake. It's just not done. But they would have no qualms about…
- I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays!…
More Me Quotes
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore… — Pietro Aretino
- Flattery and deceit are the darlings of great men, and so with these men spread the butter on thick, if you want… — Pietro Aretino
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- Boxing gave me the opportunities to grow into the person that I am today. — Alexis Arguello
- I try to push ideas away, and the ones that will not leave me alone are the ones that ultimately end up… — J. J. Abrams
- I'm literally open to any medium that will have me. — J. J. Abrams
- From heresy, frenzy and jealousy, good Lord deliver me. — Ludovico Ariosto