Steven Wright Quotes

314 quotes in 2724 categories

• Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.
• I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
• Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!
• I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
• If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
• Does fuzzy logic tickle?
• Is it possible to be totally partial?
• Do radioactive cats have eighteen half-lives?
• If you are sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
• I'm a peripheral visionary.
• You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m…
• My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.
• I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
• I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
• Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
• How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?
• Yesterday, my eyeglass prescription ran out.

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