Steven Wright Quotes

314 quotes in 2724 categories

• It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The bad…
• My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill…
• My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells…
• People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just…
• The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in…
• There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you…
• To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know…
• When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow.…
• When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing…
• When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it…
• You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and…
• Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
• It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.
• You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes…
• If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat…
• I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
• Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I…
• When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.…
• I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
• I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

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