All Mitch Hedberg Quotes
- Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many. I'll have 1000… Eat
- I got into an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk… Anger
- I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning.… All
- Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made… Comedy
- I want to get a job as someone who names kitchen appliances. Toaster, refrigerator, blender.... all you do is say what the shit does, and… Add
- My sister wanted to be an actress. She never made it, but she does live in a trailer... so she got halfway. She's an actress,… Acting
- Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a… Cocky
- I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'.… Accidentally
- I saw some two-dollar bills today - They were for sale for eight dollars. Something went severely wrong there. What happened? It spun out of… Bills
- I went to see a band in New York. The lead singer got on the microphone, and he said How many of you people feel… Animals
- I mumble a lot off-stage, I'm a mumbler. If I'm walking with a friend and I say something, he won't hear me, he'll say 'What?'.… Far
- 2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created. Big
- My fake plants died because I forgot to water them Died