"My fake plants died because I forgot to…" — Mitch Hedberg
"My fake plants died because I forgot to water them"
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Died Quotes
This quote is filed under Died Quotes,
one of 2,517 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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When I died my hair red the first time, I felt as if it was what nature intended. I have…
— Amy Adams
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I almost died, secretly, behind closed doors.
— Stephen Baldwin
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No one in the United States has become seriously ill or has died because of any kind of accident at…
— Joe Barton
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My mother had a son from previous marriage and her husband died in Second World War.
— Mikhail Baryshnikov
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When Whitney Houston died, I felt great sadness. My sadness, of course, was about our collective loss - when you…
— James Belushi
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Only a humanity to whom death has become as indifferent as its members, that has itself died, can inflict it…
— Theodor Adorno
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I think we risk becoming the best informed society that has ever died of ignorance.
— Ruben Blades
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I was born when you kissed me. I died when you left me. I lived a few weeks while you…
— Humphrey Bogart
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
— Erma Bombeck
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their…
— Erma Bombeck
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Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God, I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their…
— Barbara Boxer
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My personal telephone book is a book of the dead now. I'm so old. Almost all of my friends have…
— Ray Bradbury
See all 2,517 Died Quotes »