"I wrote a letter to my dad, I……" — Mitch Hedberg
"I wrote a letter to my dad, I was going to write 'I really enjoyed being here', but I accidentally wrote 'rarely' instead of 'really'. But I wanted to use it, I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote 'I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot of sh*t you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' I know this letter took a harsh turn right away."
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Mitch Hedberg
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163 Quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg has 163 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having.
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Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you…
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I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get…
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I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something picketing, but I don't know how…
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Foosball screwed up my perception of soccer. I though you had to kick the ball and then spin around and…
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If you drink O'Douls, you don't drink; but if you drink 20 O'Douls in a half hour, then you're a…
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I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass…
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What am I drinking? NyQuil on the rocks, for when you're feeling sick but sociable.
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I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations…
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I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.
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Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!
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Well, I was lost but now I live here! I have severely improved my predicament!
See all 163 quotes by Mitch Hedberg »
More Accidentally Quotes
This quote is filed under Accidentally Quotes,
one of 262 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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In 1945 J.A. Ratcliffe ... suggested that I [join his group at Cavendish Laboratory, Cambridge] to start an investigation of…
— Martin Ryle
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The true genius is a mind of large general powers, accidentally determined to some particular direction.
— Samuel Johnson
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There's more to be learned here [St. Andrews] about course design than anywhere. Collection bunkers, false fronts, bump shots. The…
— Jack Nicklaus
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Viktor Petrenko and I met at a competition, where I beat him completely accidentally. I felt so embarrassed in front…
— Evgeni Plushenko
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If I hurt someone, if I were to accidentally poke someone's eye out, I would laugh. And then I'd say,…
— Rachel McAdams
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For exactly the same reason, it is sometimes satisfying to cut yourself and bleed. On those gray [sic] days where…
— Augusten Burroughs
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Would it not be strange if a universe without purpose accidentally created humans who are so obsessed with purpose?
— John Templeton
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Ever heard the story about a cat that accidentally caught a mouse in his sleep? Me neither
— Mike Murdock
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Whether deliberately, unconsciously or accidentally, she seems to have composed her own life so that its fitful, rudderless, and self-doubting…
— Carolyn Heilbrun
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For me songwriting is very...it's almost like an accident. 'Oh I accidentally wrote about that.' I sit down with the…
— Unknown Author
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When I was 23, 24, I used to have a really bad runny nose, mucus, tons of acne, reddishness all…
— Woody Harrelson
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I started in radio, again accidentally. I wasn't looking for this kind of work at all.
— Hector Elizondo
See all 262 Accidentally Quotes »