Well, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Today Monopoly added a new game piece: the cat. The new piece was chosen after weeks of online voting. Is that a… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Here in Los Angeles, school's out for summer. For thousands of school kids, this is the first week of summer vacation. And… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election- and for American… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It is a great day for the great state of Texas. The last person being tested for Ebola has come back clean.… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
You know, where I come from, an antique, to be called an antique, it has to be at least a hundred years… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
