Cannabis always made me paranoid; I felt like people were watching me. And now I'm sober, and I've got this talk show… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Well, everyone, welcome to Shark Week. Oh that's on CBS and there's been a lot of cutbacks, so it's just Friday night… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The only thing that I would say to anyone doing late night shows is - it took me a couple years then… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Late night is no different than making a film, really, except that it's faster, and if you do a crap one, you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Don't ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don't want to be one. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night! — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think that everything looks a little scarier at night, when the sun goes down. And I know I kind of want… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
