House Quotes by Craig Ferguson

12 House quotes by Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson’s humor often lands on the familiar comforts of home, making this short set of 12 quotes a perfect starter for anyone who enjoys a witty spin on everyday rooms.

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Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White…

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The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia.

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Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil…

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Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the…

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North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly,…

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The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International…

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Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job.

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At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say…

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When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break…

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The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one:…

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The meeting with Prince William took place at the White House because Prince William wanted to see where the president spent his…

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In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To…

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More by Craig Ferguson

“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.”

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Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.

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Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit…

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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?

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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay…

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Whoever I had become had to die.

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My pilot's license. I'm proud of that.

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People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning.

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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

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I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.

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For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you…

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114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.

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I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.

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The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money…

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I wanted to be a rock star.

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