Now, I know Obama was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
When you need to borrow money the Mob seems like a better deal I think. 'You don't pay me back I break… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
North Korea announced that they have nuclear weapons and they have no plans to give them up. The White House, acting quickly,… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The White House announced plans to begin normalizing relations with Cuba - this as we're awkwardizing relations with Russia. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The meeting with Prince William took place at the White House because Prince William wanted to see where the president spent his… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Don't protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one:… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
“I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.” — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Sober alkies are often asked: "When did you hit rock bottom?" but a more informed question might be: "How many times did you hit… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van? — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
People are saying that Anderson Cooper could be the new Oprah. And then these people are struck by lightning. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that. — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
For my birthday that year Anne gave me an inflatable atlas globe, along with a birthday card in which she wrote: I give you… — Craig Ferguson Copy Share Image
