“How many midgets does it take to take over the world? I’m not sure, but I’d guess twice as many.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A two-headed man should have twice the IQ, and the ability to have internal dialogues externally.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I have to be in two places at once, my mind at once decides twice which one place to be in.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My wife is younger. At one point, I was twice her age. Of course, I was six at the time.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am Orafoura and he is me. And he is not me. And I am not me. Or him. And I am… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
