I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
