Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The first time I had sex, I didn't know what I was doing. It was a relief when the whole thing was… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldn't… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My mom's been having a hard time lately. She just found out that she has to have both of her breasts removed… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I had written for Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman in the past. Jimmy had a different voice, and different priorities. He couldnt… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My first time on stage was the class "graduation" at the Comedy Store. It was awesome. Everything got huge laughs and I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm not just offensive, I'm very smart about the way that I do it, and that takes a lot of time. People… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I love Austin, but last time I was in town for twelve hours. I was exhausted, drunk and miserable. But none of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
In the second grade, I would just get bored and a joke would pop into my head and I would have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm interested in doing some acting in the future, but it's a distant second to stand up. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My dad's been having a hard time lately. Keeps on losing his keys. Can't hang on to a set of keys to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
