About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I enjoyed writing for someone else's voice, but I wasn't very good at it. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to write three jokes every morning, although I don't know what they are. I write them as fast as I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I enjoyed writing for someone elses voice, but I wasnt very good at it. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedy writer, I'm a comedian, so I only write stuff that I would want to say. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
2010 has been awesome. I got to write on the David Hasselhoff Roast this summer, and that's always been a dream. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Sure, retarded jokes write themselves. But the spelling is always way off. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm really proud of the album. It's something I always wanted to do but I had to wait until I was ready.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was always cutting words. I even would write my jokes in my notebook. I still do this, almost like a poem. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
