I think the reason I became funny was because if I made people laugh, they would let me keep talking. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
On the show, you have to be more charismatic, a little smoother, but I think I can still be that prince of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
People are surprised that I'm nice and it helps me out a little bit; it's easy to be nice when everyone thinks… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I never go see live comedy shows because I just sit in the audience thinking, "Here's what I would say. Here's what… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
If your house is on fire and you can only escape with your life and one thing, what one thing would you… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
There is nothing that's off limits. If people think something is off limits, I make it my business to go make a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I didn't care about the backlash. I think the reason it was so severe was because they didn't know anything about me… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Everyone gets laid off and everyone in Hollywood gets unemployment for six months while they're looking for a new job. So I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Todd Glass has amazing energy on stage. Dave Attell is one of my favorites because he's a one liner comic who is… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Usually the beginning of a story that people hear a lot. For example, "My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut" or… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think my friend Jeff is gay. I don't know - I'm so bad with names. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Racist dermatologists think all black people have really bad skin. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I try to retire jokes as soon as I can once I put them on an album. But I can't think of… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I don't think Metallica sits around all day wondering why country music fans don't embrace them. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I like to read, but otherwise I'm just your average, self-obsessed comedian. It's pretty much all I think about. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
The one thing I've found you really can't joke about - and people think it's death or something - is money. No… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A couple of months ago, I gave my girlfriend some fancy lingerie, and she actually got mad at me. She said, 'Anthony,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was raised Catholic. I rejected it later on. I'm an outspoken atheist now. People say, 'Oh, it's a negative thing to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
One of my favorite things on the show was just getting to do my own monologue and talking about someone who killed… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
You can't expect everyone to laugh or applaud you for doing edgy things. Sometimes you'll miss. But I think comedians are artists… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
What do I care if someone doesn't like me. If I like someone other people hate, it makes me feel special. I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show.… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
