Baby Quote by Anthony Jeselnik

“I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.” quote by Anthony Jeselnik — Download Open image

“I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.”

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More by Anthony Jeselnik

I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and…

Anthony Jeselnik

I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I…

Anthony Jeselnik

I have a twelve year old sex doll. Brand new.

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Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer.

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Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.

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About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I…

Anthony Jeselnik

When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.

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I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could…

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I got into comedy because I wanted to get into writing.

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I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played…

Anthony Jeselnik

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I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but…

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I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.

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Explore all 204 Anthony Jeselnik quotes

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I've retired my sneakers for stilettos, baby!

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Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or the community--are more likely to be overburdened by the demands of their babies and to be unable to respond to them adequately. Parents who experience severe poverty or economic insecurity, who cannot satisfy their own basic…

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Shhh.” He put a finger to her lips. “Hear me out. I cannot deny that I would've liked to have made babies with you. A little girl with your hair and eyes would've been the delight of my life. But it is you that I want primarily, not mythical children. I can survive the loss of something I've never had.…

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Baby, I love you. We argue about the stupidest shit then we turn around and laugh about it. I'm obsessed with you and you're obsessed with me. All them girls you may end up with may THINK you're theirs but naahh you're mine. Always will be. Forget you? Baby how could you ever think I'd forget you? Shit I love…

Lindsay