Baby Quotes by Joan Rivers

11 Baby quotes by Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers never held back, even when talking about newborns. This handful of quotes packs her razor‑sharp humor into bite‑size moments, perfect for a quick laugh about the chaos of diaper changes.

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Having a baby can be a scream.

Joan Rivers

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Having a baby is definitely a labor of love.

Joan Rivers

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I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Joan Rivers

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That baby is so ugly... I've never seen a six-month-old so desperately in need of a wax.

Joan Rivers

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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

Joan Rivers

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Anyone that says looks don't count is lying. Of course they do. Even babies go to the attractive face. It's the way…

Joan Rivers

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Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had the baby. He was there for the birth. It would've been nice if he was there…

Joan Rivers

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When my husband Edgar and I were courting, he said he couldn't wait to have a baby. It was only after we…

Joan Rivers

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Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an…

Joan Rivers

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my cousin Shirley, who never complains, screamed and screamed when she was having her baby. True, this was just during conception.

Joan Rivers

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And since we're all adults here, let's be brutally honest-most babies are not actually attractive. In fact, they're weird and freakish looking.…

Joan Rivers

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More by Joan Rivers

I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It…

Joan Rivers

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I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

Joan Rivers

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All my way through college, I worked my way as a window dresser for Lord & Taylor, so I always liked fashion. I always…

Joan Rivers

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Everyone thinks Angelina Jolie was the first celebrity baby hoarder, but she wasn't. Before Angelina there was Mia Farrow. Mia had an entire farm…

Joan Rivers

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I have no sex appeal, which kills me. The only way I can ever hear heavy breathing from my husband's side of the bed…

Joan Rivers

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Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It's all funny.

Joan Rivers

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If you hate something, you hate it, and if you like something or somebody, you like it, but tell the truth. And most celebrities…

Joan Rivers

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I have no line. If I think it's funny, it's funny.

Joan Rivers

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I know now that everybody in the arts is forever a beginner. Experience counts for a great deal and very little. Every night onstage…

Joan Rivers

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Why women don't blink during foreplay... not enough time.

Joan Rivers

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My breasts are so low now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time.

Joan Rivers

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I love Vines. You make this 6.4-second drama, and you can reach 6 million viewer, and make people laugh. I find it so fabulous.

Joan Rivers

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Grandchildren can be annoying - how many times can you go: "And the cow goes moo and the pig goes oink"? It's like talking…

Joan Rivers

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I'm a New York girl. I come out of New York theater.

Joan Rivers

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All babies look like Renée Zellweger pushed against a glass window.

Joan Rivers

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