I love Pittsburgh. Most of my family still lives there and I try to get back a couple of times a year. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My sister is going to have a simple wedding. Just immediate family. And whoever the hell would want to marry her. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My great grandmother threw herself in front of a bus. The police tried to say she was committed suicide but the family… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I wish my family had taken more pictures when I was growing up. Instead of always having to draw everything. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
My mom, for most of her life, was a Holocaust denier. And it was terrible for the entire family to have to… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Everyone has the same kind of fears; everyone has the same big problems in the world, which is, like, fear of death… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I have that need in me, I want everyone to love me, but I'm embarrassed by that need, so I wanted to cover it up in my persona. I felt like I wouldn't be able to do stand-up for a career if I was needy. I didn't want to be complaining or whining onstage. I wanted to be cool and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
I want people to just be paying attention even if they're not necessarily laughing at something, or if it takes them a while to get something, I don't mind that. If half the crowd gets the joke and the other half is sitting there scratching their heads, that's just as good for me if I like the joke, because I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
Perhaps I'm being too optimistic, but I think this country is finally ready for a black serial killer. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I'm fascinated by offensive subject matter. Always have been. It is very natural to me, as any teach I've ever had growing up could… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I actually never acted on "Deadwood." I have meetings all the time where people look at my IMDb page and see that I played… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I was a weird kid because I liked to be alone, but I craved attention. It was important for me to be cool, but… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says. — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
