It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for.… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Obviously, there are people who constrict themselves and build walls around themselves, whether it's from a moral standpoint or a patriotic standpoint,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I think you can talk about anything if the context is correctly arranged. If you set up the context and you bring… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Now, some people do this for shock value. Shock is just another uptown word for surprise. Granted it has a different quality… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
All the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes people just want to feel different. And so long as Third World… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play? — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The violence of the Left is symbolic, the injuries are not intended. The violence of the Right is real - directed at… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
