Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
In New York the other day, there was a pro-Martha Stewart rally. Only four people showed up ... and three of them… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
By the power invested in me by the state of New York and the Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you husband… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A town in Upstate New York is being accused of being biased 'cause they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.'… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Presidential candidate Donald Trump had a meeting with Ted Cruz. He said he does not know why he agreed to fly to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets'… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama made a big speech. He welcomed the members of the U.N. General Assembly to New York, and he said, 'I'd… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The New York Times reports that Moammar Gadhafi spent his last days hovering between defiance and delusion, surviving on rice and pasta.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Hillary Clinton has reportedly accepted Barack Obama's offer to become secretary of state. That's what they're saying in the New York Times.… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts. — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.” — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
