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Stories Quotes by Conan O'Brien

19 Stories quotes by Conan O'Brien

All Stories quotes Conan O'Brien’s page

Conan’s humor often lands on the absurdities of daily life, and these nineteen quotes illustrate how he turns simple anecdotes into sharp, laugh‑filled reflections. It’s a light‑hearted stop for anyone who enjoys a clever twist on the familiar.

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Today, Angelina Jolie met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. Long story short: She adopted him.

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The Olive Garden is bringing back its 'Pasta Pass,' which lets you eat as much pasta as you want for seven weeks.…

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Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney…

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Earlier today, the jury at the Martha Stewart trial reached a verdict. Martha was found guilty on all charges. In a related…

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'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.

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Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. Know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting to where you…

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The Chinese government launched China's first 24-hour news channel. And since the channel will only report stories that are favorable to the…

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The White House admitted that Vice President Biden's endorsement of gay marriage forced him to come out in favor of it. So…

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Earlier this week - this is crazy - the country's first marijuana cafe opened up, which not only sells medical marijuana, but…

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Arnold Schwarzenegger is in some trouble. Today, the Los Angeles Times broke a story that quoted six women who claimed that Arnold…

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The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put…

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Seriously, the Olympic badminton players were apparently trying to lose on purpose, a big story. But really, think about it, if you…

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This is really hard to do but I'd like to change the tone now and briefly mention today's terrible tragedy in France.…

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People are already talking about the next presidential election. There's stories all over about who might run. At a recent speech, a…

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Barack Obama, you know has a lot of supporters here in America, but he's very popular internationally. It's quite interesting. This is…

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It's been reported that some of Arnold Schwarzenegger's opponents have been circulating naked pictures of Arnold on the Internet. Yeah, in a…

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The AMA is urging the Federal Government not to classify marijuana as a dangerous drug and do more research. That's what they…

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Big story at the Olympics regarding Michael Phelps. He stepped out with his girlfriend for the first time. She is a 25-year-old…

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The big story is Bruce Jenner. In last week's interview, Jenner said he's a woman who is transitioning his body from male…

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More by Conan O'Brien

A federal court has ruled that the U.S. Postal Service must reduce its stamp prices. The change in stamp prices is expected to affect…

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NBC is making a movie about Martha Stewart that will cover the recent stock scandal. They are thinking of calling it 'The Road To…

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People should say 'no comment' more often. No comment! I love no comment. Let's have more no comment.

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A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE…

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Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how…

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The big story today, Barack Obama was accused of insulting Sarah Palin when he criticized Republican policies by saying, you can put lipstick on…

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LEGO has announced that they are shutting down their U.S. factory and moving it to Canada. LEGO employees say it's their fault because they…

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A new survey reveals that women would rather give up sex than give up the remote control for the TV. Men, on the other…

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Yesterday the DEA raided several NFL teams suspected of giving prescription painkillers to their players. In its defense, the New York Jets' doctor said,…

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President Obama gave a speech about healthcare tonight, and yesterday he gave a pep talk to students. He told them that in order to…

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The first thing men notice about a woman is her eyes. Then, when her eyes aren't looking, they notice her breasts.

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“Disappointment leads to clarity, which leads to conviction and true originality.”

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John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said…

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President Obama filled in as the coach of his daughter Sasha's basketball team. Sasha evidently listened to her Dad, because all she did was…

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President Obama and Vladimir Putin are both in China attending the same economic summit. Obama saw Putin and said, 'After those midterms, it's nice…

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