“It’s not that I don’t have the drive to succeed, but rather I don’t have the gas.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hired a chauffeur and I became a motivational speaker, because I don’t drive—I’m driven.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My rule of thumb for hitchhiking is: stick it up straight and proud and make if visible to all drivers.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If you're looking to take a long, beautiful drive through life, you might not want to take the cynic view.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can guess which car my boss drives. I’ll just look for the one with the hole in the back, like an… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I ran over some dog poop on my drive home last night. But I didn’t feel bad, because I didn’t vote for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The bus had one too many people on it (the driver), so all of them had to die. The only thing that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to teach men how to dance, by learning balance. But a blanket could also teach men how… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“All drivers run red lights the same way—with a glance in the rearview mirror to see if a cop saw them. I… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. I had converted a beached whale into a tour bus, and I asked you to be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket can be used as reasons to go on searching, when you’ve found all the obvious applications for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I believe there are three tenants to live by in this apartment called Life: Love is empowering, Fear is motivating, and Passion… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To me, the perfect date consists of dinner, dancing, and sex with a girl who has no stomach or legs, but does… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a way to motivate yourself to succeed. I’m proof that it works. It’s how I managed… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I'm off to my first Toastmaster meeting. You know, motivational speaking is a multi-billion-dollar industry. Well, that seems like enough for me… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Stop a drunk driver and you stop a murderer—even if he hasn’t killed anyone yet. In all the alternate universes, the odds… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I should invent a stationary bike/electrical generator/phonograph player, so that when the grid goes down I will have motivation to exercise for… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
