“My energies have been drained. Masturbating too much will do that.” — Michelle M. Pillow Copy Share Image
When it comes to masturbating, my hand can be one of the biggest jerks. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I can't stop masturbating, but I don't have to be anywhere for another 7 hours so it's ok. — Asa Akira Copy Share Image
My friends keep telling me I'm doing it with Mary Palmer. That's not true - I'm too busy masturbating to meet anyone… — Roddy Piper Copy Share Image
Masturbating is a form of stress relief...so go fuck yourself and calm down.. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If your nose doesn't bleed after masturbating you fuckers are doing it wrong. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Remember: People who live in glass houses can see you masturbating in their bushes. — Dan Johnson Copy Share Image
Never been more embarrassed than the time I walked in on a co-worker while I was masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mom walking in on you looking at the Google homepage. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
The closest I ever came to death was masturbating with a 104-degree temperature. — Larry David Copy Share Image
“Even just the thought her…God. I may end up being the first man in history capable of masturbating without touching himself. Look,… — Emma Chase Copy Share Image
Oh, that's me. I'm just masturbating. Well, if you keep interrupting me it will take a little bit longer. But usually it… — Due Date Copy Share Image
There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give… — Dave Attell Copy Share Image
A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell… — Chuck Klosterman Copy Share Image
When I found out after that first successful exhibition that the gallery wanted me to do another show like the first one,… — Betty Dodson Copy Share Image
That whole thing about masturbating. Most girls, I guess nobody has to tell them, they just figure it out. I had to… — Patti Smith Copy Share Image
“Seizing an imaginary microphone, Dennis adopts a limp Estuary accent: 'Masturbating's changed a lot since I were a lad, Brian. In my… — Paul Murray Copy Share Image
“Social media is to socializing what masturbating is to sex.” — Oliver Markus Malloy Copy Share Image
If no one has ever caught me masturbating, have I even masturbated at all? — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Don’t forget, God can see you masturbating. But don’t stop. He’s almost there. — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
I was, uh, masturbating. - me when I don't want to admit I was in the bathroom for 30 minutes playing Angry… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Masturbation and meditation both promote physical and mental wellbeing.” — Abhijit Naskar Copy Share Image
Sometimes I want to sit on my right hand so it feels like someone else is stopping me from masturbating. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“I will say it here on louder, all people to can hear it. I "DeYtH Banger" - I have masturbating problem ): .” — Deyth Banger Copy Share Image
Parents catch you masturbating? Stare straight at em and finish like a boss! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“God. I may end up being the first man in history capable of masturbating without touching himself. Look, Mom—no hands.” — Emma Chase Copy Share Image
Don't Ever do a Long distance relationship, masturbating to a Voice message from London is not your calling. — Klint D Drunk Copy Share Image
