You could write a joke in the pub at lunchtime and watch it performed on television that evening. — Eric Idle Copy Share Image
I wish my wife would blow me as much as she blows little things out of proportion. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I keep on repeating something told to me by an American psychologist: "When you are making a joke about someone and you… — Tariq Ramadan Copy Share Image
I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 20 years, and the American… — Jackie Chan Copy Share Image
The Pinoy politician does not fail to smile in front of the camera. Why? Guilt tickles when there is too much light. — Superman Copy Share Image
In the whole of the New Testament there is not one joke, that fact alone would invalidate any book. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved… — Jay Mohr Copy Share Image
There has to be irony, both in design and in the objects. I see around me a professional disease of taking everything… — Achille Castiglioni Copy Share Image
I've always felt that a really good joke, a really good one-liner, is a really good line of poetry. It's imagistic, it's… — Kate Clinton Copy Share Image
I'm going to keep talking about what I think is interesting for my entire career. If you want to hear about how… — David Cross Copy Share Image
You know you've reached middle age when you're cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Writing a first draft is like groping one's way into a dark room, or overhearing a faint conversation, or telling a joke… — Ted Solotaroff Copy Share Image
There is an old joke that went around- it goes, in the beginning God made man in His own image, and since… — Alistair Begg Copy Share Image
I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke. — Neil Peart Copy Share Image
I can pretty much guarantee that if I do a show in a comedy club, there will be someone who will come… — Lewis Black Copy Share Image
I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
Your mama so fat, I took a picture with her last christmas and it's still printing. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you are sleeping, I hope I am the person that wake you up till you are showing me some saliva that… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It's interesting to have the awkward moments play out, and the real human interactions. The more you cut that down, you lose… — Nicholas Stoller Copy Share Image
Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity… — Meg Rosoff Copy Share Image
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
