BLONDNESS-okay 5 blondes go into a club theirs 2 dirty blondes and 3 bleach blondes and then they see 2 other blondes… — Unkown Copy Share Image
My music has a high irritation factor. I`ve always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was is… — Randy Newman Copy Share Image
I suppose every time [something bad happens], I have that instinct to make that joke that distracts. — Phoebe Waller-Bridge Copy Share Image
I like to joke that you usually write more books before death than after death, so that's why I'm doing it. But… — T.C. Boyle Copy Share Image
I have been so very, very fortunate in my life. I've met or been in contact with several of my childhood heroes.… — Wayne Gerard Trotman Copy Share Image
In the most basic terms it was about how when we experience art without critical awareness we consent to the ideas being… — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
I make the joke, all the time, that if you have the word "man" and a number in the title, like Batman… — Rob Reiner Copy Share Image
I'm proud to say I'm the only Slaughterhouse member who has not rewritten a verse yet, and that's the ongoing joke in… — Joe Budden Copy Share Image
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives a women wild? No... it's a $100 bill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You can be funny and say what you mean; these ideas are not mutually exclusive. Some of the best jokes came from… — Hari Kondabolu Copy Share Image
Alec," Magnus said. He put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder; Alec was standing still, staring angrily at the floor. "Are you… — Cassandra Clare Copy Share Image
Cable news is 24 hours long so you have to fill it up with something. No, the Muppets are not communist. And… — James Bobin Copy Share Image
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a… — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I was walking around with my GF when she started playing a Bieber song on cell & now there's vomit all over… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
People want me to be funny all the time. They think I'm being funny no matter what I say or do and… — Christopher Guest Copy Share Image
Comedy is a very personal thing, as you would know if you've ever told the same joke to two people and had… — Andrew Denton Copy Share Image
As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that… — Alex Hirsch Copy Share Image
I think a theater show is a pure version of me doing my material. The theater crowd is a bit more polite,… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
“I am not perfect, but if I looked perfect to everyone I must have been rocking imperfect perfectly to a few imperfect… — Shannon L. Alder Copy Share Image
One of the interesting things about Twitter is looking how famous people choose to use it. Take someone like Steve Martin, who… — Rob Lowe Copy Share Image
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