Jokes Quotes · Page 46

Most people don't realize their opinion is irrelevant as fuck.

— Nikhil Saluja

Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Is that a joke? Please tell me you're joking. -Sophie I never joke about carnivorous bunnies. -Luca

— Rachel Vincent

Laughing at your own joke so hard that you can barely tell it.

— Anonymous

Last night I called this girl. SLUT in public & now she is charging me double for sex.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hmm. I'm still not very good at algebra. I just can't figure out Y.

— Anonymous

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the death your right to shut up.

— Nikhil Saluja

I farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasn't my fault they don't have Windows.

— Ramandeep Singh

I used to joke I was a point-and-click actor. My whole process has been about trusting your instincts and hitting your mark.

— Daniel Radcliffe

I don't see much point in doing things for a pure joke. Every now and then you need a joke, but not…

— A. S. Byatt

I would kill to be on 'Dexter,' and I would double kill to be on 'True Blood.' I would pay them to…

— Callie Thorne

Seriousness is an accident of time. It consists of putting too high a value on time. In eternity there is no time.…

— Hermann Hesse

“You shouldn’t make jokes about these things,” she said. “Science doesn’t have all the answers, you know.” “It’s got all the best…

— Ben Aaronovitch

A play is made by sensing how the forces in life simulate ignorance-you set free the concealed irony, the deadly joke.

— Arthur Miller

Adrienne [ Shelly] had 100 per cent control over this movie [ Waitress] as a director. She didn't just write it, direct…

— Keri Russell

Somebody would think I was trying to get favored treatment because my ancestors had the name Moon. And that's a joke.

— Buzz Aldrin

There is always the risk: something is good and good and good and good, and then all at once it gets awkward.…

— John Green

The audience today has heard every joke. They know every plot. They know where you're going before you even start. That's a…

— Betty White

Santa waiting at bus stop in UK along with 3 women. When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more,…

— Butterfly_Kisses

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in…

— Syntific

How you speak and the words you use tell much about the image you choose to portray. Use language to build and…

— Thomas S. Monson

You think that sense of humor goes as far as our ideology. I think that ultimately, we have we have very interesting…

— Jon Stewart

In almost every interview someone asks what does HIM stand for. I can't even remember our latest lie about that. When Hanson…

— Ville Valo

Doing nothing about climate change is still a fairly common affliction, even in this day and age. What to do with those…

— Franny Armstrong

Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

— Jimmy Fallon

Visual supervision is a joke for development workers. Visual supervision is for prisoners.

— Tom DeMarco

Hey here is a Bird Donkey pilot just sit and close your belt!

— MHDAVOODI

I'd be a great mattress salesman coz I love removing pants for no reason and spending all day looking at porn.

— Nikhil Saluja

I do like a well-written sketch with a bunch of jokes in it, and I like stand-up with good jokes in it…

— Lenny Henry

You know, you can really get wet playing games in that new Pentium-VI dishwasher.

— Nikhil Saluja

I would make jokes about my height so that no one would first.

— Ava Michelle

She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a fruit punch was a gay boxer

— Anonymous

“One of the leading causes of obesity is the misbelief that, when it comes to juice, ‘100%’ means ‘sugar-free.”

— Mokokoma Mokhonoana

[The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes.

— Eric Andre

Hey everybody on Twitter, I think we can cool it with all the jokes.

— Nikhil Saluja

Who ever invented the Knock- Knock jokes should get a No-bell prize!

— Anonymous

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried...but they wanted cash.

— Anonymous

I once made love to a female clown, and she twisted my penis into a poodle.

— Dan Whitney

Job interview: Please tell us why youd love to work for us? ME: I need money :)

— Punkinhead Abhishek