If I'm laughing, you know I'm either very happy or very sad. I cope with things with jokes. — Cristela Alonzo Copy Share Image
The roses have wilted, The violets are dead, Sugar is lumpy And so is your head. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't Take It Seriously * When the INTERIOR DECORATOR says, Once it's in, you'll love it — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've been invited to a Halloween party tonight in America. To scare all the Yanks, I'm going as low-fat food! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Too many lives go up in smoke - It's nice to laugh but don't be the joke. — Janet Jackson Copy Share Image
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“You know, Ham," Breeze noted. "The only funny thing about your jokes is how often they lack any humor whatsoever.” — Brandon Sanderson Copy Share Image
High school wasn't a trial by fire or some ordeal that had to be survived. It was all a big joke. You… — Scott Westerfeld Copy Share Image
Both of my parents got to see me host Carson, thank God. That's all anyone wants: to have their parents see they're… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
So many people have no sense of humor, whatsoever! Everyone knows that it is my job to tell the jokes, that's what… — Kathy Griffin Copy Share Image
My music has a high irritation factor. I've always tried to say something. Eccentric lyrics about eccentric people. Often it was is… — Randy Newman Copy Share Image
We should have stories in common, I found myself thinking. We should have stories, and jokes no one understands, and memories that… — Kamila Shamsie Copy Share Image
I wanna get rich enough in life that I can afford to release a dozen doves every time I walk into a… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
My friends often say I'm the most racist person they know against Asians. And it's sort of like, "If I make the… — Pearl Tan Copy Share Image
“Comrades, we are going to try to cheer you up, and our sense of humor will help us in this endeavor, although… — Rudolph Herzog Copy Share Image
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We're weird guys. I don't know if a lot of people get our humor. A lot of people probably think we're jerks.… — Brendon Urie Copy Share Image
I think one of my favorite pieces I've ever done on the show which was about Hezbollah Israel conflict in 2006 and… — Aasif Mandvi Copy Share Image
The good thing about being in advertising was a lot of the skills cross over: you have to be accountable for your… — Victor Levin Copy Share Image
“The historian Meike Wöhlert has analyzed and compared the judgments rendered by courts responsible for malicious acts of treason in five cities.… — Rudolph Herzog Copy Share Image
“The things about which we most often jest are generally, on the contrary, the things that worry us but that we do… — Marcel Proust Copy Share Image
My grandfather used to say 'Eat the biggest crabs first, that way you're always eating the biggest crabs.' In making a TV… — Jonathan Groff Copy Share Image
Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes. — George Orwell Copy Share Image
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece: Gently aging, but still a warmand desirable place to visit. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade. — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage. — Kathleen Madigan Copy Share Image
If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it? — Henny Youngman Copy Share Image
You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie. — Kristen Stewart Copy Share Image
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents. — Georg C. Lichtenberg Copy Share Image
The whole westward expansion myth is seen as romantic. But its a joke, a blot on American history. — Frank Waters Copy Share Image
In the whole of the New Testament there is not one joke, that fact alone would invalidate any book. — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy. — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
The main jokes in this film are about big things, love and life and zombies - we all get that. — Simon Pegg Copy Share Image
Men are simple creatures. 99% of their problems can be solved with sex, sandwiches, or both. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
There are three sides to an argument, your side, my side, and the right side, which is still my side! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I use mother-in-law jokes, kid jokes, tax jokes - anything that works. — Nipsey Russell Copy Share Image
