Jokes Quote by Jimmy Fallon

A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids…

— Jimmy Fallon

I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,…

— Jimmy Fallon

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be…

— Jimmy Fallon

In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In…

— Jimmy Fallon

After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new…

— Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:…

— Jimmy Fallon

A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee…

— Jimmy Fallon

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration…

— Jimmy Fallon

I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox.

— Jimmy Fallon

My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream.

— Jimmy Fallon

The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because…

— Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an…

— Jimmy Fallon