There's always going to be someone out there... who doesn't believe in you or who thinks your head is too big or… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
When I see professional clowns, mimes, or people who makes ballon animals, I think of their relatives and how disappointed they must… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Republican candidate Ben Carson told reporters he thinks American prisons might be too comfortable. As opposed to Mexican prisons that have personal… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
It's being reported that Google spent over $5 million on lobbying just during the first quarter of this year. You'd think Google… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Today, President Obama finally met with BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I didn't think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
L.A., its nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A Miami judge issued Florida's first gay marriage license yesterday, which makes it the 36th state to legally perform gay marriages. Of… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I think you just look for the person you have the most fun with. And that's enough. You realize, "Wait, I can… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Wearing shorts is a huge perk. I think it's probably one of the reasons people become mailmen. You also get to drive… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
You've never had a job that you thought was secure. You don't think the Tonight Show is risk free. Especially when you… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent interview, Jeb Bush revealed that his brother George gave him the nickname 'tortoise' because he's making slow, steady progress.… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama's golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The key to happiness. Hm.... There are just so many factors. I think it's just a way of being. It's about.... every… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
We're into tech stuff, gadgets, phones, video games. We'll treat a video game premiere like a movie premiere. I'm just going to… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In her new book, Sarah Palin says she once gave up chocolate for an entire year just to prove she could do… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new study found that Americans are exercising more than ever but still not losing much weight. Not good in fact, it's… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new poll also shows that a majority of people in Colorado think Hillary Clinton is not trustworthy. Although, that's not saying… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Thinking about all that - what it means to be happy - I think it overloaded your brain. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The White House is worried about Joe Biden's potential run for president, and a source says they fear that it wouldn't have… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A new survey found that 12 percent of parents punish their kids by banning social networking sites. The other 88 percent punish their kids… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, 'Thanks,… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they're all going to be… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
After Donald Trump wrote Lindsey Graham's cellphone number on a piece of paper and showed it to everybody, Graham said he's getting a new… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn't made up his mind about whether he'll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question:… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
A clothing company is making T-shirts inspired by Bernie Sanders with messages like 'Feel the Bern.' They were gonna make them for Lincoln Chafee… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
My dream was to grow up and get a job at IBM, like my dad. That seemed like a logical dream. — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
The federal government is starting to plan for climate change by making extended forecasts that can help people plan for extreme weather - because… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an… — Jimmy Fallon Copy Share Image
