Driving somebedy's car is a joke because you listen to their favourite music — Musa Nkutha Copy Share Image
I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place he could get steroids! — Milton Berle Copy Share Image
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENING TO ALL PEOPLE WHO DONT SEND TEXT MESSAGES HAHAHAHHA.. BEWARE PEOPLE! — Mharwhyn Copy Share Image
I was just playing around with my imagination...Then everything got intense — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
Jokes have to be quite naked to be understood. They have to be quite simple. — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
I did the commencement speech at UNH in 2006, and one of the biggest jokes was a 'Guts' joke. — Mike O'Malley Copy Share Image
A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh. — Wanda Sykes Copy Share Image
It would be a joke if the conduct of the victor had to be justified to the vanquished. — Napoleon Bonaparte Copy Share Image
Writing jokes for others is like having babies for someone else. It's sad. Like the woman who gives up her baby but… — Emo Philips Copy Share Image
World's shortest horror story consists of only two sentences. The last man on Earth sat alone in a room. There was a… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“You said this was going to be funny, Jim," Waits barked. "Maybe you better just circle the jokes 'cause I don't see… — Barney Hoskyns Copy Share Image
“Your relationship or marriage is dead or dying, if you almost always have to remind your partner to miss you (and/or they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Even my bio on Instagram is like, 'That girl that fell at the Olympics.' Just as a joke. Because that's how people… — McKayla Maroney Copy Share Image
The most welcome joke to me is the one that takes the place of a heavy, not altogether innocuous thought, at once… — Friedrich Nietzsche Copy Share Image
On Twitter, when someone would die, I would write a joke. Or if there's a tragedy, I would write a joke and… — Anthony Jeselnik Copy Share Image
A man will pay 200/= for a 100/= item he wants.. A woman will pay 100/= for a 200/= item that she… — Nushra Copy Share Image
Yes, we were amazed when that happened. It was a real joke to us. Konrad Lueg and I did a Happening, and… — Gerhard Richter Copy Share Image
I joke that I've never been burdened by having an actual hit. There's something to that. My records have sold enough to… — Lyle Lovett Copy Share Image
“I wrote. I wrote all the things I couldn’t say to him. I wrote about how much I believed in us. I… — Kimberly Novosel Copy Share Image
A great many people (not you) do now seem to think that the mere state of being worried is in itself meritorious.… — C. S. Lewis Copy Share Image
I was worried on a personal level because I wanted to be slightly taller than I am, ideally. But I've now accepted… — Daniel Radcliffe Copy Share Image
My stand-up has always been very character-based. I'm not really the kind of person that's like, 'Hey, here's what's on my mind!… — Mary Lynn Rajskub Copy Share Image
Laughter is something we have against oppression and oppressive people. Dictators hate people who laugh at them. It's easy for them to… — Burhan Sonmez Copy Share Image
When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's… — Russell Brand Copy Share Image
I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind. — Eric Andre Copy Share Image
6 am: tired 9 am: tired 11 am: tired 3 pm: tired 5 pm: tired 7 pm: tired 9 pm: tired bed time: ENNNNEERRGGYY — Kevin McCarty Copy Share Image
I'd like to start with the chimney jokes - I've got a stack of them. The first one is on the house. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like... love! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I went to see my doctor with a nasty pain in the ass. Turns out he's already met my wife. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist. That's not a full joke there! It's filler. — Mitch Hedberg Copy Share Image
I've been banging my head against this wall for hours trying to figure out where all this blood is coming from! — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's only happy hour if a hot girl is sharing your drinks. Otherwise it's just drowning your misery. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. — Zach Galifianakis Copy Share Image
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, Wait, you forgot the remote! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
You don't have to think really hard to get the joke. I think humor in general appeals to all people. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If your dick was as big as your mouth I might would have been impressed. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The real reason women live longer than men bcoz they dont have to live with women. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I learned how to make jokes because I wanted to give people as much fun as they did, and I guess I… — Kurt Vonnegut Copy Share Image
