I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Ted Kennedy is endorsing John Kerry and I'm wondering, do you really want the endorsement of a guy with a Bloody Mary… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Over the weekend, John Kerry - the big John Kerry juggernaut moves on - he won primaries in Washington D.C., Nevada and,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals away, getting a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right,… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I'm telling you this guy has more… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
President Bush says now he is sticking to his plan for handing over power to the Iraqis on June 30. It's also… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling.… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Two things you need to know about taxes. They've extended the deadline to April 18, and when you write your check, just make it… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
You know Kim Jong Un, the evil dictator of North Korea? Apparently, a guy in his inner circle used his ashtray while smoking and… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
There are a lot of New York City Thanksgiving traditions. For example, a lot of New Yorkers don't buy the frozen Thanksgiving turkey. They… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I can hardly wait until Donald Trump announces his celebrity cabinet. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
We make a lot of fun at President Clinton's expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it's been 25 years since… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
I vote Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
Do I think there is a heaven? Uh, yeah I do. Like a really big gymnasium. How do I see myself there? With really… — David Letterman Copy Share Image
If it wasn't for coffee, I'd have no discernible personality at all. — David Letterman Copy Share Image
