“Silence is golden, and gold is up these days, so silence is a solid investment.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went through and underlined all the funny lines in his book, and by the time I was done, I had underlined… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d give up three days just to get three hours with the woman I love. Of course this instinct is the reason… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I sell black markers on the black market. I am personally responsible for 50% of all truck stop urinal poetry.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Only the living can read. This means that when I write, my target market is people of the future. Greetings, people of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m great at making love, at least for the first 20 bucks, and for about 30 minutes after that I just sort… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a thick bumper sticker. Then if you get in a crash, you can blame it on… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to stock vending machines. You may be out of a home, but I’ll never be out of bricks… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I steal cracker packets. I hoard them. Once my collection is large enough, I’ll take them to the flea market and try… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a replacement for an erection. Hey, I did it in the early 2000s, and I gave… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My friends call me Two Socks Kintz. They used to call me Barefoot Orafoura, but then someone gave me some socks. That… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“When I told investors I was going to invent a self-love machine, they told me to go fuck myself. So I did—and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to help you write the book you’ve always wanted to write. That is, if you wanted to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I have a secret knock. It’s so secret that I never use it, lest you hear my knuckles knocking and try to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I notice when you’re gone. Or do I? How can I observe something that isn’t there?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to make sweet, sweet music with the love of your life. Hopefully that person is me, because I’ve been… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to slow down time. Sort of like a camel in a wheelchair pushed by a thirsty Arab. Hey, Khalid,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“We have a love so pure that it makes snow seem yellow. (Don’t eat it!)” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I hid Mrs. Frozenwater’s body in the ice cube trays in my freezer. Better to keep her there than let her memory thaw out… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Two similar words might lead to two similar ideas. They might also lead to the basement, which I recently converted into a dungeon/torture chamber.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Nothing is and isn’t; nothing is and isn’t—nothing itself is, and at the same time, nothing isn’t.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“There’s only one piece of clothing I could eat fast, and that’s a scarf.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Dora J. Arod is to Jarod Ora, as yes is to yes. Yes is also the correct answer to “Will you marry me?” Other… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The best part about being kidnapped is being blindfolded and getting kicked into the trunk of a car. Boy, normally I have to beg… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
