Humorous Quotes · Page 43

Looking back, I realize that my life has been a series of incidents where one person has said to another, "Get this…

— George Carlin

[John] Adams's letters to [his wife] Abigail are wonderful. In his letters, he is loving, humorous, preachy, learned, and saucy. He speaks…

— Gordon S. Wood

Jim Rosato was recently married, to a Greek nurse. Rosato was half Irish and half Italian, and there was a pool on…

— Warren Ellis

Humanism was not invented by man, but by a snake who suggested that the quest for autonomy might be a good idea.

— R. C. Sproul

“We are a bed business, and a coffee-room business. We are not a general dining business, nor do we wish it. In…

— Charles Dickens

Real cars were made here in America: Fords, Chevys, Plymouths. These were large chunks of Detroit iron - cars that had the…

— Dave Barry

There isn't any finer folks living than a Republican that votes the Democratic ticket.

— Will Rogers

“The dweam of wuv wapped wiffin the gweater dweam of everwasting west. Eternity is our fwiend, wemember that, and wuv wiw fowwow…

— William Goldman

San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.

— Herb Caen

The person, be it lady or gentlemen who has not pleasure in a good book must be intoleranlty stupid.

— Jane Austen

This (French-Kissing) is a really sexy thing to do, according to the French people, although you should bear in mind that they…

— Dave Barry

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

— Mark Twain

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.

— Joseph Heller

Dinner was meat - not hunks of meat, as in Australia, but pathetic scraps of meat, as in Britain - which the…

— Clive James

The workers love Khrushchev very much. He hasn't got an enemy in the entire country. Quite a few under it.

— Bob Hope

Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.

— Mignon McLaughlin

I always say, 'Thank goodness 'Wimpy Kid' was a comedy because my singing in that was more humorous than professional.'

— Devon Bostick

I'm so far gone that I'm telling the truth. It sounds like a foreign language.

— Richard Peck

And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical…

— Michael Frayn

“Man be merciful, for your Maker is merciful.”

— Lailah Gifty Akita

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

— Groucho Marx

“Everyone knows he's crazier than a shaved mule in a toboggan race.”

— Amy Holder

“ I didn't read the book. I burned it after the first sentence. ”

— Rodindeadpan

“She decided that if Lucas was gay then she was going to have to get a sex change operation. He would be…

— Josephine Angelini

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

— Mark Twain