You can always reason with a German. You can always reason with a barnyard animal, too, for all the good it does. — P. J. O'Rourke Copy Share Image
Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about? — Kirk Douglas Copy Share Image
Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Parents, just keep in mind that kids will always round off to the nearest obscenity.. — Ray Romano Copy Share Image
I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.) — Tim Allen Copy Share Image
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop… — Phyllis Diller Copy Share Image
Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the… — Robin Williams Copy Share Image
Dinner was meat - not hunks of meat, as in Australia, but pathetic scraps of meat, as in Britain - which the… — Clive James Copy Share Image
“Eve: I don't understand this word..."Freedom." Does it mean...I do what I want? Sven: Yes. Eve: Then I wouldn't have to kill… — Kentaro Yabuki Copy Share Image
“The news that Daisy Miller was surrounded by half a dozen wonderful mustaches checked Winterbourne's impulse to go straightway to see her.” — Henry James Copy Share Image
“We are way less likely to love someone just because they love us than we are to hate someone just because they… — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
I love the protest signs protected by the First Amendment - some of them humorous, some of them passionate, some factual, some… — Jennifer Granholm Copy Share Image
“Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the… — Russell Beland Copy Share Image
It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling… — Stephen Boss Copy Share Image
In horror stories or in fairy tales, the fascination with the morbid is also, at least for me, a way to prepare… — Cindy Sherman Copy Share Image
They have a lot of trouble with pronunciation, because they can't move their jaw muscles, because of malnutrition caused by wisely refusing… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It's remarkable - most remarkable, the way these people manage, from time to time, a tragedy or a near-tragedy to break the… — Martha Ostenso Copy Share Image
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Aw, come on, admit it—you feel like Cinderella, don’t you?” “No, Darren, I don’t. And do you know why?” “No, sugar, you… — L.A. Gilbert Copy Share Image
“When they see the light at the end of the tunnel, some people run towards it. I, however, run from it as… — Stephanie Tom Copy Share Image
I do sometimes miss doing that lighter, more humorous work, and I find there's a heavier responsibility that goes along with a… — Alison Bechdel Copy Share Image
Love is like a booger, you pick and pick at it. Then when you get it you wonder how to get rid… — Mae West Copy Share Image
Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself. — Mary Roberts Rinehart Copy Share Image
The principal benefit acting has afforded me is the money to pay for my psychoanalysis. — Marlon Brando Copy Share Image
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance¦ The five stages of waking up this morning. . . — Rick Sutter Copy Share Image
“Hope was like frogs praying for wings so they didn't bump their asses when they hopped” — Sherri Desbois Copy Share Image
The stupider the regime the more intelligent the people get and the more humorous. — Christopher Hitchens Copy Share Image
The biggest liar in the world is the golfer who claims he plays the game for exercise. — Tommy Bolt Copy Share Image
The interesting thing about coaching is that you have to trouble the comfortable, and comfort the troubled — Ric Charlesworth Copy Share Image
“We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. — Jack Handey Copy Share Image
“Some people wish they were as happy as or happy like some people think they are.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight. — John Major Copy Share Image
Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live. — Mignon McLaughlin Copy Share Image
Unless we take action on climate change, future generations will be roasted, toasted, fried and grilled. — Christine Lagarde Copy Share Image
